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cryptocurrencies will save the world

they say the internet is free. but who really has the control? power comes from money. and when you follow the money, where do you end up? the banks.

when you want to buy something, you are being controlled by banks. but there is a solution to this conundrum. what you need is a cryptocurrency.

cryptocurrencies are open source and peer to peer. they are based on the blockchain. don't want to be controlled by the illuminati? use a cryptocurrency.

why is it called a cryptocurrency? it's a cryptic currency. it's cryptic because nobody understands what the fuck is going on. it's a currency because some people think it's worth something! this is why cryptocurrencies are so successful!

so how do you stop paying taxes and start paying your electricity bill? it's actually very simple. you just need to become a miner. it's like mining gold! you dig forever and you come up empty. it's an analogy for your life.

so how do you add stuff to the blockchain? remember how annoying it was when you downloaded that users database containing all of the horrible users from your previous employer who shall not be named but all passwords were hashed with an annoying hashing algorithm like sha256 or something like that?

cryptocurrencies solve this problem! you don't even have to do this stuff yourself. everyone is competing to show off how cool they are so you can get your passphrases in no time. there is an incentive of invisible money which means some people will give you their computers for free to find hash collisions.

more like cash collisions, am I right? at least you will make a shitload of cash when you crack those user passwords and borrow their credit cards to buy a new TV!

cryptocurrencies are based on public key cryptography. this means you can give anyone your public key and they can send you money. and you can use that money to get a manicure. feeling lucky? get a pedicure too.

sick of telling your friends about your password so they can login to your netflix account and watch jessica jones (which is fucking amazing btw)? there is a solution. using public key cryptography which allows your friends to not only watch all your movies but also to spend all your money!

it's so simple! you just generate a private key using some obscure commands that you type into that black box with the white text. then you memorise the 256 bit value. did i say 256 bit? oh sorry i meant 32 bytes. and by bytes i mean characters. except you can't see some of the characters LOL! welcome to computers! we love you! then you give those bytes to your friends to watch netflix.

a lot of high profile venture capitalists have invested in cryptocurrencies. but don't take my word for it. take the word of those VCs for it. they have assessed the risk and figured out it's fine. they are willing to spend a tiny fraction of the hilarious amounts of money they inherited on things that they know won't work out. and whatever money is left after that gets invested in cryptocurrencies.

cryptocurrencies. doesn't it just have a great ring to it? cryptocurrencies, I could say it all day long. it's quite clear that cryptocurrencies are the future and will save the world. invest in cryptocurrencies.

~igor (doge DH5CJREzBwM6CYQt8rooQcNvQEEVWHERmy)